Dishwasherless

Dishwashers are one of the greatest inventions ever made, but I didn’t fully appreciate them until I was without one. I used to walk around like an idiot thinking stuff like penicillin or the Internet were the greatest inventions ever. Ridiculous!

Below I’ve analyzed the options the dishwasherless have to improve their lives. And, unfortunately, it’s all too easy to see why these options do not suffice.

Use Only Paper Plates:  Wasteful, too expensive, cannot support significant number of marshmallows during or after microwaving.

Let Dishes Pile Up:  Creates mold/guilt. When sink and surrounding counters are full, you spend the next week endlessly washing dishes, cursing, and vowing to never let them pile up again.

Wait For Someone Else To Do Your Dishes:  See “Let Dishes Pile Up.”

Do Dishes Right After Using Them:  See “Let Dishes Pile Up” but apply it to one day later than normal.

Eat Over The Sink:  Makes guests uncomfortable, stains shirts.

Eat Out All The Time:  Too expensive, have to put on pants before eating.

Turn Non-Disposable Dishes Into Disposable Dishes:  Makes trash bags really heavy, you’ll eventually run out of dishes.

Learn To Eat Without Silverware:  Sticky hands. If it becomes a habit, you’ll ruin all business lunches. 

Subsist Solely On Juice Boxes:  Won’t get enough protein, have to go to the bathroom way too frequently.  

Just Use Dirty Dishes:  More diseases, less self-esteem.

Fast:  Makes you pretty hungry.