Ways to Make Commuting Less Horrible

There are few things in life worse than the morning commute. You’re sleepy and grouchy, you’re freezing because the car’s heater hasn’t kicked in yet, your hands are especially cold because you had to scrape ice off your windshield, you’re stuck in standstill traffic and there’s no relief in sight. And I know what you’re thinking, “Please don’t try to make my commute better. It’s impossible. I just want to zone out, stay half asleep, and wallow in my suffering.”

But trust me, after you read this post, there’ll be no need to consider getting in an accident just to free yourself from the monotony that is the morning commute. (Side note: there is no need to discuss ways to make the afternoon commute better because simply reminding yourself you’re not at work and you are, in fact, driving in the opposite direction of your workplace, makes the trip leisurely and refreshing regardless of traffic.)

While quitting your job is clearly the best option to make your commute more enjoyable, I’ve come up with some less financially devastating methods. And I’m not talking about everyday activities like eating in the car, listening to the radio, or seeing how loud you can scream. That stuff gets old fast.

Try out becoming an aggressive driver. Cut people off, constantly change lanes, make risky left turns, tailgate, honk, and let that middle finger fly. The challenge will be entertaining and keep you on your toes, and the adrenaline rush from the close calls is bound to boost your spirits. And all that cutting in front of people and not waiting your turn will probably lessen your commuting time.

Do exercise some caution, however, as you may end up stuck at a red light or in traffic next to cars you haven’t treated well. But then again, that risk is another adrenaline rush! Oh, and I guess you should exercise caution because it’s dangerous/illegal.

If you’re nervous about aggressive driving, perhaps because you have a new car you don’t want to scratch, or you’re shy, or you’re just not the type to use the middle finger, consider this strategy: leave 20 minutes late, thus forcing yourself to drive aggressively in order to arrive on time for work. And you’ll get 20 minutes more sleep! (Feel free to adjust leaving time in accordance with your confidence level.)

But let’s say you’re really stuck in unmoving traffic. I will admit, aggressive driving loses some of its thrill when you can’t get above 5mph. Don’t worry, I have a few ideas.

Stare at other drivers and time how long it takes for them to notice. Then see what they do when you don’t stop staring.

Try and make judgments about people based on the outside of their car. A blue Camary, fairly new, no bumper stickers, small scratch on fender… is the driver a man or woman? Old or young? Fat or skinny? Dumb or really dumb? Then when you get up close, peer in and see how accurate you were.

Try and read signs backwards. Reset your odometer. Make anagrams out of license plate letters. Close your eyes … just for a second … you’re not moving anyway… No! That one’s just a joke!

Another great way to make commuting less horrible is to switch up travel modes. Try public transportation for a few days. It’s nice to have a change, and you’re sure to appreciate the perks of not having to drive. No traffic, you can read a book, or maybe even lightly nap. Plus, public transportation is bound to make the switch back to driving seem like the biggest relief imaginable. No more waiting in the cold for the train or bus, you’re guaranteed a seat, you can’t smell anybody or breathe in their germs, and best of all nobody is going to accidentally touch you.

Now if all else fails, the best way to improve your commute is to call in sick. That way, not only do you skip the drive all together, you also don’t have to go to work. It’s a win-win. If you’re out of sick days, well, then you might just want to cause that car accident we discussed earlier…