Me: Hey lil guy, did you burry your bone?
Dog: I would never tell you that. Please respect my privacy.
Me: Go, kill that stuffed animal!
Dog: Excuse me, did you just say stuffed animal? Am I wasting my time here?
Me: Good dog! Look at you, going to the bathroom outside! Good dog!
Dog: Don’t talk to me right now.
Me: Mmm, yum, dry dog food! Eat it all up.
Dog: Yeah! Fooooooood!! (Leans face in bowl and sniffs) Ew! What gives, lady?
Me: No! No barking.
Dog: I heard a noise, you idiot! We’re in extreme danger! I’m trying to protect you, for crying out loud. Someone …or something… is out there, and I don’t think it’s too friendly.
Me: Aw, you just love tug-of-war, don’t you? Don’t you?
Dog: I’m gonna bite you right in the hand.
Me: Down. Don’t beg at the table. This is my dinner.
Dog: Are you fucking kidding me?
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