How to Get By for Free

I've spent three years on the University of Maryland campus, and I've learned many things both in and out of the classroom. From deciphering Shakespeare to dodging squirrels, my education thus far has been quite well-rounded. However, I'd argue that the most valuable and rewarding skill I've picked up at this institution is being able to get stuff for free. Water bottles, beer cozies, miniature staplers and, most coveted of all, entire meals are out there waiting to be taken by the greedy, the hungry, the financially independent college student.

Events on the campus, from club meetings to Graduate Research Presentation Day, are the students' greatest opportunities to acquire free stuff. One simply has to train one's self to hunt down and recognize these events. A good rule of thumb is if you are walking around campus and see balloons, enter the building immediately. Chances are there is some kind of buffet lunch, or at least a T-shirt give-away, going on inside.

For a more premeditated approach, consider signing up for your college or department's e-mail list. And if you're already signed up, stop erasing the e-mails before you read them. I know this seems hard, especially when they come at least seven times a day and usually only offer job openings at Shuttle-UM. And I know it doesn't help that the subject lines make them look like virus e-mails. For example, the arts and humanities list begins each subject line with "ARHUUGST Digest." Now, if I had to guess, I'd say that translates to a digest about a person screaming in pain and certainly not a digest for ARts and HUmanities UnderGraduate Students.

Despite their aggressive subject lines, I've found these e-mails to be surprisingly useful. They are the easiest way to find out about free meals on the campus. But you have to read carefully. Here is a true example: An ARHUUGST digest informed me of "Interviewing tips presented by Amarr Garage Doors." Now, I cannot argue against the convenience of garage doors - they keep your stuff from being stolen annnd open at the push of a button. But I just don't consider them a reliable source for interviewing advice. Thus, my initial reaction was to delete the e-mail immediately. But, keeping alert, I read on. And a few lines down, I was rewarded. Amarr Garage Doors was offering "Free pizza and soda" along with their interviewing tips. Jackpot.

In fact, the arts and humanities school played into my game just recently. Prior to their Access2Alumni event, they flooded my, and fellow liberal arts majors' inboxes with e-mails about the event. Highly featured was not only free food, but, in an impressive display of generosity, a chocolate fountain.

The department used little subtlety in promoting the fountain as one e-mail opened, "CHOCOLATE CHOCOLATE CHOCOLATE!" Later e-mails sarcastically asked, "have we mentioned the chocolate fondue yet?" I found these e-mails not only validated my efforts, but also took away any lingering feelings of guilt. They know what I'm after, and they're using it to get me to their event. It is a win-win situation.

If excessive dinner points have you covered in terms of meals, don't feel excluded. There are other genres of freebies out there.

Career fairs are like taking a shopping spree at the candy and small toys store. Bouncing from table to table you have the opportunity to grab anything from handfuls of Hershey's Kisses to stress balls of all sizes and colors. However, running through a career fair in such a fashion is a little more awkward than one may expect. On occasion, one is required to feign interest in working as an engineer at Global Tech InterSystems (quite a feat for an English major, let me tell you!) But hey, they were giving away full-sized candy bars, so it had to happen. My best advice would be to try to avoid eye contact with potential employers at all costs.

Hopefully, through my words today, I have imparted to you the skills and wisdom necessary to take full advantage of the opportunities the university presents. And to save some money while you do so.