Hobbies

Choosing a new hobby is always challenging. To aid readers in their decision making, I’ve developed an easy-to-use guide which lists the pros and cons of popular activities. Hope it helps!

Taking Karate classes:

Pro: Exercise has many health benefits.
Con: Exercise requires more effort than eating, watching tv, napping, or sleeping.

Pro: Would learn to defend self physically.
Con: Would learn nothing to defend self mentally or emotionally.

Pro: Would meet new people.
Con: People you meet will know how to effectively attack you.

Pro: The uniforms would keep you from repelling potential friends with your lack of style.
Con: Your numerous food stains will show up more easily on the white uniform.

Taking cooking classes:

Pro: Would learn a valuable skill.
Con: Would have to control self around food.

Pro: Would meet new people.
Con: Would have to control self around knives.

Pro: Would be able to eat better.
Con: Might no longer have use for previously purchased 64 bulk pack Ramen Noodles.

Pro: Would be able to contribute more than just drinks and napkins to potluck dinner parties.
Con: Would feel more spite/shame when not invited to potluck dinner parties.

Taking swimming classes:

Pro: Low impact exercise is good for joints.
Con: Might drown to death.

Pro: Being immersed in water is good for the skin.
Con: Being immersed in water is bad for the lungs.

Pro: Can pee while making eye contact with fellow swimmers.
Con: Can only assume everyone making eye contact with you is also peeing.

Pro: Some pools have slides.
Con: Would be reminded of outgrowing childhood fun while in line for the slide.

Getting a job:

Pro: Would be earning money.
Con: Would have to spend money on an alarm clock.

Pro: Would be contributing to society.
Con: In most cases, would miss Price is Right.

Pro: Would gain sense of self respect.
Con: Couldn’t wear same sweatpants everyday.

Pro: Would be able to fill in “work info” section on high school reunion form.
Con: Might have to change hilarious email address which looks so good on high school reunion form.

Taking up smoking:

Con: Would have to spend money on cigarettes.
Pro: Would get to take smoke breaks at work, school, social outings, family gatherings, etc.

Con: Secondhand smoke is bad for those around you.
Pro: Would always have an “ice breaker.”

Con: Would only have one free hand when doing things.
Pro: Would have something to do.

Con: Death, disease.
Pro: Looks cool; is something the popular kids tend to do.

Taking up shoplifting:

Con: Illegal.
Pro: Get free stuff.

Con: Would have to wear baggy clothes all the time.
Pro: Could wear same sweatpants everyday, as well as, acquire new softer and less tattered sweatpants.

Con: Might get caught.
Pro: Before that, could convince friends/family you have a job.

Con: People would want to borrow, or at least touch, some of the fancy stuff you’ve worked so hard to get.
Pro: Friends!

Joining a gang:

Con: Illegal.
Pro: Friends!

Con: Fellow members might be too aggressive.
Pro: Your angry tendency of slamming doors would no longer look like “problem behavior.”

Con: Might have to murder.
Pro: Get to experience new activities not found in ordinary daily life.

Con: Might get murdered.
Pro: Would be remembered as someone with lots of friends.