Pizza Kingdom

DOUG:  Welcome to Pizza Kingdom.

CUSTOMER 1: Hi, I’d like 2 plain slices.

DOUG: Excuse me, but that is no way to address a king!

CUSTOMER 1: Huh?

DOUG: You come into my kingdom, don’t bow or humble yourself in any manner, yet go so far as to expect me to serve you!

CUSTOMER 1: Listen, I’m starving, can I just have 2 slices?

DOUG: Ugh, I am so tired of the hungry masses crawling to my feet to grovel and complain! If you are starving, petition your lord to increase your rations! This is hardly a matter for the king. How did you get past the guards?

CUSTOMER 1: What guards? Ah, whatever, I’ll just go across the street.

DOUG: Rather rude! Note to self: Find out who her lord is and take some of his land as penance. Hello, and welcome to Pizza Kingdom.

CUSTOMER 2: Hey, how’s it going? Uh...lemme get that spinach and mushroom piece there.

DOUG: You are quite bold indeed, to make demands upon a king!

CUSTOMER 2: Ha ha. Nice act, very funny. Spinach and mushroom please.

DOUG: These peasants disgust me, with their meager vegetable subsistence and slovenly dress.

CUSTOMER 2: Hey, c’mon pal, what gives?!

MANAGER: Is there a problem here?

DOUG: No sir, sorry sir.

CUSTOMER 2: This kid won’t give me my pizza!

MANAGER: Doug! How many times do have to tell you...to address me as Sire.

DOUG: Forgive me, Sire.

CUSTOMER 2: Oh for crying out loud!

MANAGER: It’s alright, Doug. You’re just a young king. Soon you’ll be more versed in the royal ways. Now, who is this mere serf, and how did he get past the guards?

CUSTOMER 2: What guards? And how can you both be king? Shouldn’t he be a prince or something?

DOUG: Insolent subject!

CUSTOMER 2: Alright, alright. Your majesties, would you bestow upon me the right to purchase some pizza from you?

MANAGER: Bargaining with Kings?! How dare you?! I banish thee! Out! Out, I say!

CUSTOMER 2: Fine, forget you guys.

MANAGER: I’ll be on my throne if you need me.

CUSTOMER 3: Hi there, I need to order 3 large pizzas.

DOUG: Is this for some sort of feast?

CUSTOMER 3: Heh, yeah, kinda. I’m from Book Empire down the road, and it’s our manager’s birthday, so--

DOUG: ...Book Empire... INTRUDER! INTRUDER!

CUSTOMER 3: Whoa, hold on a second.

MANAGER: Man your battle stations!

DOUG: Bring up the drawbridge!

MANAGER: Seal off the Queen’s chambers!

CUSTOMER 3: What is going on?! Hey, hey, don’t throw straws at me! HEY, don’t throw pizza! I’m out of here!

DOUG: We are victorious! …We should imprison those guards.