Fun in the Fall

Fall has a lot going against it. School starts, it’s cold but there’s no possibility of snow, my birthday isn’t in the fall, the plant life dies, the birds start to fly away, the name of the season implies a terrible accident, the list goes on and on. But there are some good aspects of the season, you just have to dig a little deeper to find them. 

Fall is the perfect season to make yourself appear smarter. It provides the opportunity for simple changes in vocabulary that can make you seem like quite the well-read intellectual. All you have to do is refer to regular old leaves as foliage, call the weather brisk instead of kinda cold, speak of mulled cider instead of Juicy Juice, and always call the season autumn as opposed to Fall. And before you know it people will be asking you grammar questions and recruiting you for trivia night. 

Due to tea, sweaters, and blankets general coziness skyrockets in autumn. The same blankets that you kicked off in a sweaty rage just a few nights ago will suddenly become sought after companions for evening TV time. And even better, all day TV time is much more socially acceptable in the cold weather of autumn. You don’t have to feel lazy for curling up with a hot tea and watching hours and hours of TV because what else are you supposed to do? Go outside and freeze to death? 

Corresponding nicely, autumn features the return of new episodes of beloved TV shows, as well as brand new shows to explore and judge! And not only will this grant you lots of fun at home, but work will be more fun too. Water cooler conversation is about to get meaningful. Instead of silence or that same old conversation about Styrofoam cups, you and your co-workers will share genuine laughter over what happened on last night’s Parks and Rec. Thus, I think it’s fair to say that autumn promotes human relationships. Oh, and people sweat much less in autumn than in summer, which is pretty good for human relationships as well.

Once you’ve exhausted everything on Hulu, apple picking is a great autumn activity. You get some fresh air, you get to buy fruit without standing in line at the grocery store behind an old person who accidentally got in the self checkout aisle and won’t figure out how to ring up their apples for at least 17 minutes. As another bonus, apple orchards are littered with soft, or rotting, apples. These are great for stomping, kicking while yelling ‘APPLESAUSE!’ and surreptitiously wiping on fellow apple pickers who look like they’re having more fun than you.

Don’t let a good leaf pile pass you by this autumn. When you see a quality pile, slam on the brakes, run out of the car, leap into the air and ruin the hard work of others with your landing, subsequent rolling around, and attempts at making leaf-angles. Your joy will be enhanced as other drivers slow down and stare at you with envy over your carefree childlike spirit. It might look like they’re staring at you with confusion or judgment, but trust me, it’s envy. Those who yell at you to get your car out of the middle of the street are especially envious.

Don’t be a sucker and build your own leaf pile to jump in. Just remember, neighbor’s leaves are for jumping in, your leaves are for collecting in the gutters and sitting in the yard until they rot and become part of the soil. Unless of course your landlord rakes your leaves. Then, by all means, get in there. 

Be warned, leaf piles sometimes contain rocks. But, leaf piles also sometimes contain money or other prizes that have fallen out of the leaf-raker’s pockets. So I’d say jump in with gusto. Consider going in headfirst so you can see the prizes more easily. Plus if your landlord rakes your leaves you can probably sue him for any resulting concussions or stitches.

After investigating the season more thoroughly, it would appear there are lots of good things about autumn. The possibility of money, homemade applesauce, TV—those are all huge pluses in my book. But, I mean, c’mon autumn, have you even heard of sledding? I’m sorry but none of this competes with sledding.