Why Do We Need an iPad?

1. With more heft and a wider surface area, bugs are squished much more efficiently with the iPad than with the traditional flyswatter. Plus, right before death, the bug will be super impressed with the iPad’s sleek, minimalistic design.
2. The touch screen keyboard makes it impossible to get crumbs stuck under the keyboard keys. Combine that fact with the iPad’s ability to become completely flat with a simple rotation of the wrist, and the iPad is the perfect plate for all your snacking and mealtime needs.
3. 10 hour battery life helps you avoid interacting with people for up to 10 hours.
4. Fingertip scrolling makes computer mice useless, which is great news for actual mice who have been fighting to take back the word, and their sense of identity, since the early 2000s.
5. Video calling capability helps remind you that your girlfriend/boyfriend isn’t attractive enough for you to move across the country for them.
6. Additionally, video calling capability keeps your girlfriend/boyfriend from calling you while on the toilet.