For A Winning Neighborhood Barbeque

Even though summer usually creates an outdoor temperature known to many as ‘unbearable,’ summer is also the season of the outdoor-party-involving-a-fire, making it somehow even hotter. Otherwise known as the neighborhood barbeque. Hosting a barbeque can be quite rewarding. It’s a great way to get to know the neighbors without letting them inside your home. And barbeque smell really carries, so the non-invited neighbors will know exactly what they're missing. But it’s not all fun and envy-inducing. From what to serve to what to wear, barbeque etiquette can be complex. One wrong move and you’ve got guests with food poisoning who want to use your bathroom. Before venturing into the world of barbeque hosting, take a look at some do’s and don’ts, and start telling people now about how weird it is that your house didn’t come with a bathroom.

What to serve for the main course is pretty easy. Hamburgers, hot dogs, corresponding buns, and of course, plenty of condiments. The greater the variety of condiments, the less effort you have to put into cooking the main course. Is this hamburger still bleeding? Nope, that’s ketchup! This hotdog seems cold, did you even put it on the grill? Sure did, must be cold from the cherry chutney that just came out of the fridge! Is this dog food? Nah, the mustard, bacon bits, capers and snausages just make it look that way!

As for side dishes, fruits and veggies can be crowd pleasers and they take little to no effort to prepare. If you love watermelon there’s no better time to buy one than when you’re going to have a bunch of people over to help you eat it. You get all the joy without the hassle of having to clean three pounds of rotten watermelon out of your refrigerator because you couldn’t finish it on your own.

Corn-on-the-cob is pretty great, and it’s fun too. Is it a vegetable? Is it a fruit? Is it a projectile? Who cares because once you’re done, it’ purely projectile! Plus before you start eating you can load it up with butter and salt guilt free since it’s a vegetable or something and that’s healthy. In fact, it’s so guilt-free you might even feel liked rewarding yourself for eating well with an ice cream. Corn-on-the-cob rules.

Now that the menu is set, what about entertainment? Your guests are in your yard and very near your house, you don’t want to leave them up to their own devices for fun. If you do, sooner or later they’ll trample your flowerbed and then track mud into your house while seeing how many valuables they can hide in their shirts—all in the name of staving off boredom. I know that’s what I’d do. So protect yourself and prepare something for your guests to do.

The toy store offers a wide variety of outdoor activities like lawn darts, slip n’ slide, badminton, and tackle football. These games are great if you don’t like some of your guests because each of these activities offers a pretty big possibility/opportunity for someone to get hurt accidentally/on purpose.

Conversation is also a viable option, though it may seem like something that merely gets in the way of eating and impaling enemies with lawn darts. But in fact, pleasant banter can prove quite advantageous. For example, if a neighbor has an unkempt lawn, try saying something like, “I’ve been looking for a good lawn care company, which one do you use? Oh you don’t? Here are several business cards of lawn care companies I’ve been researching.” Or if they have a pool they haven’t invited you to use, consider saying something along the lines of, “I love swimming. In fact, I wish I could have held a pool party instead of this great, elaborate, and expensive BBQ for all of my beloved neighbors.” Or if your neighbors do something horrible like let their son host band practice you could say, “What kind of music do you like? I like professional, recorded music before 10pm.” No matter what the problems you may have with your neighbor are, they can be solved through conversation.

In terms of what to wear when hosting a barbeque, I’d say clothes, sunscreen, and bug spray should do the trick. Maybe a watch, but that’s up to you. But rest assured, watch or no watch, if you follow my advice you’ll be hosting a barbeque the whole neighborhood will be talking about for years to come.