What To Do With Thanksgiving Leftovers

-Use them as a passive aggressive way to find out who actually liked your stuffing. "Don't you want to take some stuffing home with you, Mom? Oh, just one scoop. I see."

-Save at least one plate exactly as it was left on the table--  obscene mashed potato sculpture, bits of broken glass, tear-stained napkin and all--  as a reminder of why smaller, separate tables are better than one big table the whole extended family can sit at together. 

-Passive aggressively tell your sister that her green bean casserole was terrible while giving your dog a healthy treat!

-Make sandwiches. Sure everyone makes leftover turkey sandwiches, but what are you supposed to do when the only thing left is cranberry sauce? Make another turkey?  Nope, just slather that stuff between some bread and pack it for lunch! (Ideally, pack it for someone else’s lunch.) 

-Collect the discarded food from guests’ plates, mush it together in a Christmas tree shape, freeze until Christmas.

-Use as projectiles to make Black Friday go a little smoother. “C’mon guys, lets leave, people are starting to throw gravy-filled water balloons. We can get a flat screen tv later, at full price. This isn’t worth it.” And then the line becomes one family shorter.

-Use as projectiles to make Any Time Shopping go a little smoother. “Hey, I just got hit by a hard, moldy yam! Let’s get out here, we can do our back to school shopping somewhere else!”

-If sister’s kids or pets were cuter than yours at Thanksgiving, use the leftovers to fatten up her kids and pets so yours will definitely be cuter at Christmas. 

-Buy no other food and merely live off the leftovers for as long as possible, thus really sticking it to grocery stores and restaurants that usually have such a monopoly on the whole “need food to survive” thing.